truthfully

I'm having one of those moments where i don't know how to explain what i'm thinking without either (a) sounding depressed and annoying; or (b) not hurting anyone's feelings. i'm not by any means mad and there hasn't been some life-changing single event that has happened that's made me bitter towards all humanity or anything of the sort. i just had some time to think to myself about my life (why hello, Friday night, you're looking ravishing) and the last little while of my life and it's made me wonder a thing or two about a thing or two.
My college experience was unlike anything i've ever known or seen in movies. My freshman year, i was friends with a huge group of people who were my family. We did everything together. ate. sang. danced. wandered Provo at 3am. went to concerts. ate. homework. truced (past form of 'truce', as in 'making a truce'). road tripped. Hee-Haw farmed. dollar theatered. talked. Olive Gardened. vendied. laughed. loved. everything.
Then half of the group went on missions, which was hard to cope with for more reasons than one. But I had my girls. and we were each others everything because we felt like we had nothing. This part of my life took place between my sophomore and junior year, and, along with many other things, it changed me, made me grow up and made me a lot of who i am today.
Then i went to Spain. initially, i went to Spain for 2 reasons: (1) to better learn Spanish and appreciate my Spanish heritage; (2) to escape my life. i realize the latter sounds kinda odd, but it's the truth. i wanted to forget whatever problems i was having at that time and go to a foreign country with a lovely friend (dearest Jaime) and live outside of what i was accustomed to because i didn't like certain aspects of my life. i don't recommend this for everyone, and in retrospect, i should have solved my problems instead of running from them, but i did what i did, and i don't really have any regrets about it.
Spain was completely magical. and, as many of you know, it changed my life in the best possible way because i met casey there and as cheesy as this sounds, he healed me. things that i had kept bottled up for months i could tell him and he listened and loved. this is by far my favourite thing about casey. but enough about that.
I came home from Spain with one pressure in my life, which i'm going to be vague about because if you really needed to know, you already would. what i will say about this is that i regret how i handled it, not necessarily what i did, but more what i didn't do. this is the reason why i'm writing tonight- i feel like because of this moment, i had a different senior year than i had expected.
how do i explain this? remember freshman year how i had that big group of friends? i didn't have them senior year. i had a few friends who i was (and thankfully still am) close to, but i saw them on an individual basis and rarely with the group as a whole. sometimes, i don't regret this because sometimes, it was definitely a good thing. however, other times, i do regret this because i feel like it was something that should have been a part of my life, but wasn't and now, there's no way to compensate for the friendships lost. don't get me wrong, it's not like there is animosity between myself and these people (at least, as far as i know) and it's not awkward when i see any of them (far from it, thankfully), but i feel this void/lack and it makes me a little sad. there was that point where i knew i was too far out of the loop and couldn't come back because that wasn't my place or my group of friends anymore.
to contrast, i should say that i met a ton of amazing and wonderful people, friends and family alike, that i adore and love for everything they do and the time i get to spend with them. i am so grateful for this, as well as the love of my own family, and can't express enough gratitude.
now i'm married. married life is the shiz. i love my life. i love my husband. i love lots of things. like before, i don't see my friends all that often. a lot of it is because my life, as well as theirs, is incredibly busy (borderline insane) and that is the fault of no one. but that void/lack feeling still comes up every so often, like tonight, and i miss those friendships. i spent the last 4 years of my life telling these people that we'd always be close, and now, as much as i'd like to, i can't say that to a third of them.

I know this is all a little depressing and i do apologize, i don't want to be depressing because life is beautiful and full of beautiful things. i suppose this is just more of a reflection for myself. there are things i want and things i have. sometimes they don't always match up, but that does not mean that they never will. i just have to try harder, be patient and keep my chin up. i'm surrounded by good people constantly. it's all going to be just fine :)

The Calendar

So it's been a little while since I've been writing. and it's because life is freaking crazy. School has started, work is work, homework blows, and I'm always tired. always. BUT, there's been some awesome parts about this past month-ish too.

- We've made it a goal to go to the temple each week. SUCH A BLESSING. the temple really is one of those places where you can just leave everything that's bothering you right at the door, walk in and forget it all. amazing :)
- i made lasagna for the first time. and i do believe it was a success. you might think this is odd, but i've never really had what you call 'culinary skills' so i feel this was a highlight.
- i had a birthday and am now 22. it was a lovely birthday, filled with the breakfast with my girls, the Provo Beach Resort (ski-ball anyone? brig? jess?), wonderful food, lots of time with family and friends, and so much love that i don't know how to thank everyone enough.
- work sometimes drives me crazy. working with kids with autism is a struggle. sometimes they love you and want kisses. other times, they hit you or pull your hair or kick you or yell in your ear or smear poop on you (true story). when i first started, i was worried that i wouldn't have the patience for this job. but somehow, in the past month, i've learned to forgive and forget, to love these children because all they really need is love. i'm not saying i'm perfect- i definitely lost my patience with a kid today, but after 10 minutes of time apart, i gave her a hug and a kiss before she left to go home. this job teaches me to be christ-like and i'm grateful for it. i've got a long way to go, but i'm grateful to be working through the process.
- we might be taking a trip to africa!!! we were planning on going to Spain this next summer, but with recent exciting events in the family, we're shooting for africa! I would love to go to africa!! i mean, i've been to morocco, but that's not really Africa, you know? so yeah, our saving right now are going to africa, i really hope we get to go :)
- i really love my mommy and daddy. with everything that's been going on, especially with work, i've made a lot of phone calls home to my mommy and no matter what is going on in her busy busy busy life, she always takes the time to talk to me and make sure i'm doing alright. i want to be that amazing of a mother to my own kids and i've learned from the best :)
- i bought the new panic! at the disco cd and i'm in love with it. they're coming to salt lake in october and i really want to go. they just make me happy and i absolutely love his voice. i would recommend their new cd if you're looking for new music.
- i go to uvu now. more on this at a later post.
- i'm currently addicted to red pears. the ones i bought from Smith's last week lasted about 2 days (i bought 4). they're just so good right now!
- i get to go home in about 90 days for christmas break. i'm very excited to see my family and to play with my niece and nephew.

and now i have to go to class. but here's another highlight- on mondays, since i have class from 6 to 8:45, i treat myself to a dr. pepper. and you all know how much i love that stuff :)

hope you all have a wonderful week!

also, here's a link to my two favourite songs on the new panic! at the disco album.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xDf-_8KvGM&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4U-i4mjZD0

The Help

Sometimes in life, you join bandwagons. As of last night at 4 am, I joined The Help bandwagon and I love it.

I'm sure many of you have heard about The Help and have seen the trailor for it as the movie comes out this month and Emma Stone is THE actress to love right now (no worries, I've joined that bandwagon too. Easy A= hilarious. The House Bunny= hilarious. Zombieland= hilarious. I adore her, fake lisp and all). However, I've had people telling me about this book before the movie was announced and have been meaning to read it for about a year now.
I finally read it. in 2 days. 12 hours to be precise. It is an amazing and beautiful book. One of those books that you don't really know how to describe because you can't put into words how it made you feel nor how much you love it. Like right now, for example, I have so much that I want to say about The Help but I can't find the words. The best thing I can say to express myself is to read it yourself. It will change your life.

An interesting thing I realized after reading this book is that a lot of my favourite books are about Black history in America. My favourite book of all time is To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I read it for the first time in 6th grade and have re-read it about 15 times since. I will forever love Atticus Finch and will raise my children to be like him.
Another favourite is The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd, which was also made into a movie with Dakota Fanning and Queen Latifah, but the book is infinitely better. I admire August Boatwright with all my heart and want to develop her compassion. As a word of advice: DO NOT Kidd's other book, The Mermaid Chair. No good.
Beloved by Toni Morrison is yet another book that I really love, not because it's a feel good story, but because it is a powerful story that truly reflects the time of slavery. There is not a more tragic and sympathetic character in literature than Sethe, nor one so wounded and dark. Note: if you're thinking about reading Beloved, remember it is a true story and incredibly sad. This is not Gone With The Wind or Song of the South. There are no cartoon birds or happy black slaves.

I think the real reason I love these books so much is because they make me feel and put into perspective a time that I can't relate to because I don't understand it. I mean, I understand slavery and the civil rights movements historically speaking, but I don't understand how things got that way or how they were justified. It positively blows my mind that less than 60 years ago, common thought was that black people had different diseases than everyone else that could be transmitted by sharing the same water fountain or toilet seat. I don't understand how they weren't allows to vote when they had roots just as deep as any white person's. I don't understand how four white men justified bombing a Baptist church in Birmingham, Alabama, knowing there were children inside. It's a time in American history that I just cannot understand, but that I can feel when I read books like these.

If you haven't read any of these books, I would strongly recommend them all. They're truly life-changing and beautiful in their own unique ways. Also, if you have any recommendations of books you've really enjoyed, I would love your suggestions :)

Summertime

It's been a little while, not because I'm super busy, but just because I've been enjoying life and relaxing. I have this feeling like this is the last summer of my childhood. I know that's stupid to say because I'm 21 and that whole "last summer" thing clearly should have been a while ago, but I feel it this summer because I think this will be the last summer that I'm not working or going to school or something. ANYWAYS. moving on.

This is my life of late, and I think it's great (and I'm a poet and I didn't even know it).

1) I got a job!!!!! I can't even begin to tell you how much of a relief this is. Job searching is incredibly discouraging. I've had people tell me I'm not qualified for a position (understandable), that I'm too old for the position (I'm 21...) and the worst, that I'm too smart/educated for a position, which makes me wonder if I should have dumb-down those interviews (Interviewer: "So, Kristin, what interests you in this job?" Me: "I like pretty things and stuff that sparkles" Interviewer: "You're hired!"). Anyways, I was just hired to work for Clear Horizons Academy. Here's their logo, just in case you were curious: It's a school for children with Autism, ages 3 to 13. I'm incredibly excited about this. Money aside, I know this is going to be such a growing and rewarding experience for me. There's something about working with children with special needs that really humbles a person and I feel like this will be such a blessing in my life. I'm very excited to start working on the 15th :)

2) I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. It was amazing. everything I had hoped for and more. I laughed, I cried, I clapped, I cried, I cried, I cried. Call me weird or whatever, but Harry Potter has been in my life since I was 10. I've grown up with him and the books and movies have been what I've looked forward to every summer since 5th grade. I was so sad when the movie ended because it's like the end of Harry Potter- WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE?!
But, here is how I'm coping with it: a) Hogwarts is real and it's in Orlando, Florida. I'll be visiting soon. b) I swear an oath that my children will know Harry Potter just as well as I do and will wait for their owls just like I did (I'm still waiting...) and will love Harry Potter just like I do. It's like the Circle of Life. They have to know Harry Potter.

3) We got a table and chairs!! I know this doesn't seem like a lot, but our counter space in our apartment is approximately 1' by 1'. So essentially, table and chairs= more counter space. We got them from Casey's Grandma and they're in perfect condition, I'm so grateful to have them and I think they'll last us a while.

4) I made Scotcheroos yesterday for the first time and according to Casey, they taste just like Jill's. SUCCESS.
Here's the low-down on Scotcheroos: they are Casey's favourite dessert ever. and his best friend Jill has made them for him on all the important occasion in his life, including sending them to him on his mission. Of course, Jill's Scotcheroos will always be #1, but it's nice to know I can compete in the Scotcheroos department.
Here's the recipe in case any of you are interested, these things are seriously delicious and easy to make. I just microwaved the chocolate and butterscotch chips, none of that hot water melting method:

http://www.ricekrispies.com/recipes/chocolate-scotcheroos.aspx?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=scotcheroos&utm_content=Scotcheroos%2B-%2BHigh%2BVolume%2B&utm_campaign=Intention%2B-%2BBrand#/recipes/chocolate-scotcheroos

5) JANE HOLBEIN CAME HOME!!!!!!! For those who don't know, Jane Holbein is one of my dearest and most amazing friends. She just came home last week from serving a year and a half mission in Belgium, Dutch speaking. Jane is beautiful. She is a funny, talented, goofy, very smart, dedicated, spiritual giant and wonderful friend. I'm so happy she's back and I'm SOOOOOO excited to see her when she comes back to Provo. I just love her so very much :)

6) I got to go home last weekend because my best friends Mary and Brandon got married!! it was a great weekend full of CPR training (where I fulfill my want for black babies), doctor's appointments, hair cuts and dyes, seeing old friends, lots of hugging, and happiness. I love going home, it's one of my favourite places. I missed Casey of course (it was our first time being apart, aside from the Paintball War last weekend, which was only a night) and I'm making him come with me next time, but I just really love my family. My niece, Caroline, was blessed too while I was there, which was really nice and I'm glad I was able to meet her- she is adorable and I love her.

7) As mentioned earlier, I dyed my hair!! After almost 22 years, I am officially no longer a blonde. And I love it! Don't get me wrong, I LOVED being a blonde, but I'm at that age where it was clearly no longer my natural hair colour, you know? So last Friday in between CPR class and the doctor, I dyed my hair. It's kinda like a brownish-reddish-blonde in the sun-ish colour and I really love it. The best part? I CAN FINALLY WEAR YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!! Yellow has been my favourite colour since FOR.EV.ER, but I've never been able to wear it because it washed out my face with my blonde hair. But with brown hair, I CAN WEAR IT!!!!! and it's grand. I actually wore yellow for Mary and Brandon's wedding- so so so grand. Time for a shopping trip to buy yellow thingsssssss:)

8) and last but not least, our wedding pictures came!! and they are beautiful, I could not have asked for a better photographer or pictures. Pictures was the one thing I really didn't mind spending a lot of money for because they are memories and beautiful ones at that. I'll be posting some on facebook and I also have quite a few good photos of people that I should email to them, but there's about 850 photos soooo it might take some time. But yes, I love our photos, I loved our photographer and I love May 14th :)

Here's our photographer's website in case any of you are interested, her work is really quite beautiful, especially her en caustics: http://www.moniquefeil.com/3/artist.asp?ArtistID=13444&Akey=ACRTB3M7



Life is pretty great right now :)

Lucky :)

I know it's super cheesy to write a post about how great your husband/significant other is, but I'm doing it anyways because my husband is just that great.

Today, Kristin woke up with the nastiest sore throat and about 4 canker sores in her mouth, one of which she managed to bite later during lunch (seriously, it looks disgusting, like I almost want to take a picture. that disgusting.) Needless to say, after church and family dinner was over, she went on a no-talking fast because talking hurts like the dickens (what are the dickens, by the way?).

Enter fabulous husband.

Casey is the light of my life and I love him so very much. He makes me laugh when I need it, he makes me dinner and chocolatey milk (possibly the best thing he does), he gets my drugs for me (possibly the second best thing...), he plays charades with me because I can't talk, he gives me big hugs and lots of kisses, he does funny little dances to make me smile, he sings 'touch my body' by Mariah Carey because he knows I think it's cute, he always asks how i'm feeling and what he can do to help me feel better, he gives me number options so i don't have to talk, he watches movies i want to watch even though he won't like them, and he tells me at least every 10 minutes that he loves me and that he's so glad i'm his wifey.

I know that list doesn't seem like a lot to some, but it means everything to me. I know we've only been married around 2 months, but it's been the best 2 months of my life and i'm so grateful for my Casey. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I couldn't have married a better man.

and now, to eat some Mac and Cheese a la Casey :)

One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing you let someone down because you did something stupid.

Le Freak

So remember how Casey and I moved into an apartment? Since moving in, we've gotten some mail for the couple who lived here before us. Usually, it's been bank statements, stuff from Capital One, nothing too thrilling.

But today, we struck gold.

I thought the couple who lived here before us were normal people. We met them when we came over to look at the place and they seemed nice, a little goober-ish, but nice.

FALSE.

I'm not exactly sure how to preface this so I've decided to let the pictures speak for themselves accompanied by some commentary from yours truly.
Note: this is real, I took these pictures myself and nothing has been photo-shopped-the only thing I did was crop the pictures and brightened them so you can see them better. I'm sorry there's so many, but I feel like these needs to be shared.


This is the cover. I'm not sure how to pronounce this, but this is 'The Budk Catalogue'. If you think the cover is good, just you wait, Henry Higgins.


Dragon Ashtray, quite the elegant touch for any living room. in Hell.


This was my first indicator that this magazine was... different. and by different, I mean meant for white supremacists or guys who live in their parents' basements.


I feel soooo much better knowing that these were actually tested in Mekong, like who would buy ass-kicker boots without that assurance? Clearly anyone who buys non-tested in Mekong boots is an idiot.


Am I the only one who sees a phallus-like quality to these?


What the rainbow blade? This was actually the first thing I saw when I opened the magazine and I just laughed. Bless the rainbow blade and all its glory!


This is clearly not Johnny Depp. How insulting.


Needless to say, there are several things upsetting about this item: 1) it's balls. 2) it's a repeat sell-out item, which means people actually buy this. and 3) there's a 2 for $10 offer- WHO NEEDS 2 OF THESE?


Cute cat key chain + something to gouge out people's eyes= every Cat Lady's dream. Priceless.


A Confederate bedspread, a Wolf bedspread, a Wildlife bedspread, and a Tiger bedspread. 80s/90s t-shirt revival.


My favourite part about these little babies is the add: "Stainless steel device locks thumbs so close together that a person will feel foolish at how helpless they are!". I don't know how to say this, but I'm fairly certain that if my thumbs were 'locked together', I think I could still use my other 8 fingers.


at least it's the Union hat that's shown bigger, right?


So much for the Union... (ps- these were next to each other)


"Cool" is a relative term. If I'm in the World of Warcraft office, yes, this is cool. If I'm anywhere else, not so much...


Would these not be the most awesome New Year's Eve drinks? Like seriously, every Orcs dream.


This was my favourite sequence of products. Here, we have a creepy leather scripture case with creep cross on the zipper...


... Which was right next to the Anti-Cross (Would Jesus really have a dagger? No.)...


... Which was right next to these guys. The perfect Religious White Supremacist Sunday accessories.


and last, but certainly not least, the crystal wolf. It's just so elegant and graceful, I can't help myself.


and that was the Adventures in the Budk Catalogue.



I have so many questions for the people who lived here before us.