Time and Confusion

I have a lot of things to say right now. and some of it I should have said last week when it was pertinent, but now is alright too.

So. I graduated last week. It's weird getting to this point in my life. I've lived my whole education career to make it to University, that glorious place where the work load is unbearable, the professors are merciless and where you GPA defines EVERYTHING about you. In truth, University wasn't nearly that bad. It had it's moments when I felt like I was going to die, but for the most part, University wasn't all too terrible.
The funny thing is no one tells you what to do post- University, that part some how never comes up. I mean, they tell you to decide on major and to think about a career, whatever that means, but they don't really tell you what to do after your classes are over and you have this piece of paper that tells you that you made it through your major. I'm grateful I've always wanted to teach, but even though my brain is pretty set on that, my heart sometimes backs out of it. It's bizarre.
Graduation was another odd thing. I will gladly say that I enjoyed my time at BYU, that I learned a lot, had life-changing experiences both in and out of the classroom, and that I'm appreciative for what I've been able to do these past 4 years. But I was also ready to leave. It's hard to explain, but I was ready to get out of BYU and move on with whatever was next. The last thing I expected at that graduation ceremony was to cry. but I did. and I wanted to cry more but when I looked around and saw that no one else was crying, I stopped.
I still can't quite figure out why I felt the way I did; it wasn't sadness per say, but it wasn't tears of joy for finally making it either. Part of it was all these people standing and clapping for the achievements of myself and the other graduates- there was something moving in that, people recognizing and applauding you for your accomplishments. But I think the other part of it was because I realized that a chapter of my life was closing. These last 4 years have defined me in a lot of respects and made me who I am today. The people I've met, the friends I've made, the teachers I've had, the lessons I've learned, the trials I've faced have all done something to me and for some reason, I felt all of them at that ceremony. There's a lot of memories that are now sealed because BYU is over, things that I'll never reopen and experience again because they're done. They've served their time and now, they're over. It was a sobering thought.
All in all, I'm happy to be graduated and I've enjoyed my time at BYU; I'll miss a lot of things and friends and memories, but I'll also keep them close. That's how it's supposed to be.



The second thing that's on my mind is fresh as of today (May 1st) and I don't know how to write it so people understand me without thinking I'm a crazy anarchist and America-Hater. I'll preface it with this: I love America, I'm grateful I live here, I don't support Al-Qaeda or terrorism, and I'm pro-peace. I think that ought to suffice. Right, moving on.
I'm sure you all know that Osama bin Laden was killed today by American forces in Pakastan. It was announced tonight and President Obama gave a quick speech about the ordeal, what happened and how this is a positive step in the right direction towards ending terrorism throughout the globe. And for the most part, I agreed with him. I felt he addressed the sensitive issue of 9/11 resectfully, gave credit where it was due to American troops who have worked and continue to work against terrorism, and that his main message was justice was served. and that's all fine and well.
What upset me most about this ordeal was actually the response it got on facebook. This is where I'm seemingly unpatriotic. As I checked through my newsfeed, there were so many statuses glorifying Bin Laden's death and saying all these things that just really upset me. I agree that he probably should've died and that he was an awful man, but I just have a hard time celebrating his death because I feel like it's really vengeful and also somehow elevates the terrible things he did to thousands of people. My dad and I were talking about this, how sometimes when really bad people do really awful things, they're mentioned so frequently and given so many labels that it somewhat elevates what they did (Osama has been labeled the world's "biggest","best-known", "foremost" and "greatest" terrorist by several news sources). Even though it's a level of evil, it's still a level that people recognize and give some sort of placement to. Does that make sense?
I sometimes feel like it would be better to mention the deeds and names once and never speak of them again. I feel like the repetition of these kinds of evil things and giving them a place in society gives other people this fuel for hatred and retribution, which I think can swing both ways. In this instance, I can almost guarantee that Osama's death will spark quite the reaction from Al-Qaeda leaders and that not much will change because of it as there are probably a few people who can easily and willingly step into his place. And from the other side, I just have this feeling that the line to stop killing and start speaking is growing fuzzy in America, that so many people want revenge and that death seems to be the solution. I just don't think peace always comes through killing people.
Maybe I'm being naive and stupid about this and don't know enough about the situation and can't relate to the grief and sadness many experienced because of Osama bin Laden. That's probably true. I just have a hard time with it. It all just seems so sad to me. It makes me wonder what Christ would do, how much compassion and forgiveness would He have, and if people would listen to Him if He were here. I don't mean to sound preachy and I'm certainly not condemning anyone for how they feel. I guess I just feel sad and want Christ to come back. hahahaha that's not so much to ask, is it?


Wow. Never in a million years did I think Graduation and Osama bin Laden would be in the same post, but lo and behold, there they are. Life is just full of all sorts of odd happenings, isn't it?

On an exciting note, I get married in 13 days- about freaking time.
also, move in to the apartment was this weekend- we have keys and clean carpets, which is good things.
my mom made my favourite dinner tonight (Macaroni and cheese caserole- I live for this stuff) and I got to play with Jonas today, who informed me that he will be happy and sad when I get married, but as long as I love him more than the new baby, he'll be alright. Bless his little heart.
and last, something humourous: i put this ointment (i really don't like that word, btw) near my eye today because this little hurty/itchy/burny especially when wet red mark showed up under my eye and my mom thought it was eczema. so i put the stuff on and didn't think anything of it until i went to wash my face before bed. and my skin where i had put said stuff was bleached white. as of right now, i have this white sideways oval the goes from under my eye to about my temple. and the hurty/itchy/burny red mark is still there and still hurty/itchy/burny and red. awesomeeeeeeeeee... but it did actually make me laugh... provided it's gone in 13 days.

and now to read and go to sleep. I finished The Last Battle (last book in C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia) and started reading The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd. I really liked her first book (The Secret Life of Bees- If you haven't read it, you should, it's marvelous), but this one is very dark and I'm not enjoying it as much as I had hoped. If anyone has any book recommendations, I'm all ears.

and now goodbye for reals,

goodnight and good sleeps :)