I remember when I was really into nostalgia

For the last few nights, I haven't been able to sleep. There's nothing in particular that's keeping me awake, just something. Because I've been up until odd hours in the night (it's currently 2:53am), I've had a lot of time to think and more than anything, remember. Memories and feelings that I haven't thought of or felt in a while just come rushing through my head and heart.
Sigmund Freud asserted that within the human mind, there are things that come in (external events) and things we put in our mind by ourselves (internal events). Both of these events have the psychological need to be bound or compartmentalized in order for us to understand our world and more importantly, how we relate to the world and where we place ourselves in it.
Though Freud has been disproved for many years now, I feel like there's some truth to his theories. As I've sat here with my memories, I've realized that I need to place them, to decide what I want to do with them and to square them away with myself. I know I sound crazy, and it's likely that Freud would think I am, but I like to think of it more as a spring cleaning. I've known for a while that I've needed to clear my head, to sort it out, to talk to those who I need to talk to, and to let my thoughts align with where I'm at in my life.

And I feel good now. The memories, the feelings, they're all where I want them now- secured in the past.

And now, I think I feel sleepy. I think I shall go to bed :)


and for your viewing pleasure (and because I feel like I give credence when it's due), here's a clip from Demetri Martin- it's kinda long, but enjoy :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2eUPak76hY&feature=related

so. it's finals. i'm stressed. my trauma class/project=mostly done. everything=not so much. however, last night, my dearest hermanita jamie showed me this video. and i think it's hilarious. it's highly probable that you won't find this funny, or that you've seen this before and thought it was stupid. but i think it's hilarious :)

enjoy :)

for some reason, i couldn't get it to display the video so you're just gonna have to copy/paste.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF9-sEbqDvU

Halo

So every once in a while, I think the Lord sends me little reminders of how blessed I am just when I'm starting to think that my life totally blows. Tonight was one of those nights. As a preface, you all should know that I'm sick, I haven't gone outside yet today (it's currently 8:42pm), I've been writing my trauma paper that's due tomorrow, I had a slight meltdown because my thesis wasn't working out, I have showered (be impressed... no seriously), I've had 3 cups of tea (thanks Hannah) and I haven't seen Casey today because his job loves him more than me.

That said, I had a tender reminder in the form of a phone call that my life really isn't that bad. My oldest brother called to congratulate me on the recent engagement (oh... in case any of you didn't know, surprise! I'm engaged!) and we talked for about a half hour just about life, how school is going, plans for after post-school, Mark Ryden, plans during Christmas, how his job is going, just random things. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it meant the world to me, so much that I hardly know how to express it.

Scott is talking to me and He loves me. He's happy. I'm happy. We are family. And most important, we love each other.
Finals can be stressful, papers can consume my soul and my hands can cramp up from the typing and writing, but Scott loves me. And he told me he loves me.

And that's enough happiness to last for a very very very long time :)

freaking wasatch

and finals

and papers

and exams

and feelings.

i just want to go home and snuggle with my mommy. is that too much to ask?

Along the Way

So it's been a little while since I've written and again, you can thank school for that. I keep telling myself I just have to make it until December 18th and then I'll be home for Christmas. Even though I'm stressed out of my mind and I'm not really sure how I'm going to do everything I need to, I'm happy. I've got a great fiance who makes me happy, takes losing at darts like a champ and listens to me tell him all about my paper for Meso (am I writing about maize? yes. is it boring as all get out? yes.). I have wonderful parents who love and care about me, who call me to make sure I'm surviving and who have a countdown going until I come home. I have a huge new family up here who treats me like a daughter, sister, granddaughter, and cousin. I have a place to hide from the snow and a warm bed and a heating pad for the times when I can't. I have money to buy things I need (mostly food and chocolatey milk) and to pay my rent. I heard from a really good friend who I haven't heard from in about 4 years. I have good roommates who make me smile, tell me they love me, and do silly things. I have a testimony of the Gospel, that it's true and that the Atonement is real.

and that's really all I need :)


ps- I also may or may not be back on my 'telephone' kick... and Wolfmother... I can't get enough...